


(Ab)solutions

by AsWeAreNow



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: (School) shootings, Gen, Politics, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsWeAreNow/pseuds/AsWeAreNow
Summary: America is given an impossible task by his boss: brainstorm solutions to any one of his major problems, and then test them out to see if they work. He eventually picks gun violence, just because- well, that's easy, isn't it?
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter originally appeared on FFN, on   
> 6 July, 2020.

America stood, scowling slightly at the fact that it was his turn to present at the World Meeting. Everyone looked at him rather expectantly. America stared at each of them in turn. _Fuckers_ , he thought. _I bet they're just waiting for me to be wrong._

America cleared his throat. He shuffled a little bit and then opened his mouth, coughed, drank a glass of water, coughed again, and then cleared his throat again. "There was a shooting the other day in Minnesota, and some kid took a video of it, so... uh... I guess I'll just show a minute of that."

The nations watched as America clumsily signed into his spare email (which of course was not used for anything except World Meetings). He typed in the password and went to YouTube. He opened the playlist section and clicked on the only playlist, '4/13/22', which had only one video. He clicked on it.

"This video went viral," America explained, "because the kid uploaded it here, and when he was being interviewed by reporters he plugged his YouTube channel. Didn't even mention the video, but I can assure you that the man with the gun in this video is the shooter."

He hit play.

The other nations watched in silence. America had already seen the video a dozen times, but he watched anyway. Perhaps it was a bit crass to show the others this video, he thought. _So what?_

The kid in the video let out a swarm of expletives. Gunshots could be heard in the distance. America lowered the volume a bit.

The kid was breathing very hard, camera shakily pointed at the door. The teacher stood next to the door, holding a mug in one hand. For a moment all that could be heard was the kid breathing and a girl in the background talking rather rapidly, and then there was a much louder gunshot, followed by the door bursting open. The shooter could be seen— pale kid in a black hoodie and jeans, really nothing too unusual except for the weapon in his hand.

The teacher immediately leapt into action, smashing the mug against the shooter's head and kicking his knees in. She pried the gun out of his grip and stood above him for a few moments, panting. The video ended.

"Thirteen students died and nineteen were injured. As you can see, this teacher managed to save her students' lives." America looked up to find that the other nations looked somewhat horrified. "Attacking someone doesn't always work out," he added. "But it's better than nothing. That was, uh, one of the more deadly shootings to happen in the past few months."

Everyone just stared. "Um... anyway... California is on fire extra early this year and my boss told them that they can't get federal aid because they don't deserve it. Some other states are starting to get really pissed off because they give more money to the federal government only for the President to tell them they can't have any amount close to what they put in. Also he's really homophobic and that's clear now so I'm really sorry if any of you are offended. I'm not homophobic and I regret my decision. I'm very sorry. Are there— are there any questions?"

England raised his hand. The other nations seemed fairly shocked. What were they shocked about? They'd all been to war before; nothing America said or showed them was even remotely close. "Yes, England?"

"Are you okay? You keep talking about all this violence and death in your country."

The other nations murmured agreement. America bristled. Who could blame him? It wasn't like the other nations actually cared. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? It's not like I was the one that was shot."

England raised his hand again. "Do you have any solutions?" He asked. This same question came up every World Meeting. The answer was, of course,

"...No, I don't. Second Amendment and all that. It's not worth it."

"Can't you pass something about that?"

"No, 'cause most states wouldn't be on board— and anyway, it's not worth it. I can't take everybody's weapons from them anyway."

"Can't you just... take their weapons away? Why do they need them?"

"For self defense."

"Why do they need a deadly weapon for self defense?" England prodded.

"Because the bad guys also have a deadly weapon."

"So you're fucked," England concluded.

"Precisely."


	2. Chapter 2

America turned on the news, shoving a cold bite of pizza into his mouth. He watched a commercial about Lysol, which was funny because America had forgotten Lysol existed after so long without seeing it. (Okay, it wasn't very long- but long enough to forget about a miracle cleaning product.)

The news was back on. On screen, a lady grinned pleasantly in what appeared to be a somewhat shitty basement. "Hey folks. If you're joining us, here's a quick recap: The Coloradan governor has announced that April 20 is a state holiday, effective today."

The screen segued into a scene of the Coloradan governor standing with a very grim expression on her face. She was a rather menacing woman, honestly. "Okay, folks," she cleared her throat uncomfortably. "I've got an important announcement today. April 20 is now a state holiday. We're aware of the coincidence, but we've decided that we don't want a repeat of 2019's… incident, not when we already had to do online schooling for another year, which, may I remind you, showed such obvious signs of failure. We're hoping this will deter anyone else from-,"

Someone in the crowd shouted, "Weed!"

The governor sighed, shaking her head. She looked greatly upset, somehow; America suspected that perhaps she was truly disappointed in her people. "Yes, sure. We made it a holiday because of recreational marijuana. Whatever you need to believe."

America turned off the news. He finished his cold pizza and then went to do something else.

* * *

America stood in front of his boss's desk. "Is there— Is there a reason you wanted me here so fast, Mr. President?"

"Yes. I had to talk to you."

"Okay." America waited a moment, and then another. When his boss didn't say anything, America said, "So... May I ask why it was so urgent? I... I had to drive down from New York. It took me a few hours." America wouldn't normally be so nonchalant, so informal, but it was hard to take his boss seriously at this point.

"Ah. Right, yeah." His boss went silent for a second, and then said, "I need you to do something for me." His boss slid a piece of paper across the table.

It had a list written on it, compiled from what seemed to be America's hot-button issues, or at least things that had been criticized heavily as of late:

A) Immigration

B) Gun violence/control

C) Healthcare

D) Climate Change

E) Electoral College

F) Illegal drugs

G) Abortion

America bristled. His boss continued, quite casually, "I want you to brainstorm ways to fix at least one of these."

"Um..." America frowned. "Okay. Healthcare. You know Medicaid? Keep doing that, but more. Pull an FDR."

"Well, no. We can't do that. Where do we get the money?"

"Maybe tell people to stop paying for health insurance? They'd already be covered."

"It obviously costs more than that, America."

"Sure, but how much more could it possibly cost? How much would it really affect people? Not as much as they think, but maybe a fair bit anyway."

"But the people don't know that," his President said.

"Well, shame on them." America wasn't going to let his boss humiliate him, but then, hadn't America spent a good portion of the past few years humiliated anyway?

"The people think that universal healthcare is socialism."

"Well, maybe education would be something to invest in, then."

America's President was delighting in his discomfort. Tough shit. "America, do you know why education isn't on the list?"

"Why?"

"It's an issue that mostly regards states instead of the federal government. Do you want to know another reason?"

"...No."

"A lot of Americans think that the education system is fine the way it is. They think they're very well educated. That's why education isn't on the list."

"Oh. Okay."

"So anyway, I'd like you to fix one of the issues on this list. I want you to really think it through."

"Mr. President," America blurted.

"Yes, America?"

"Did you ever read 'The Little Prince'?"

"I'm familiar with it, yes."

"Well, in the story, as you might remember, the little prince comes across a King that is always obeyed, but the reason he's obeyed is because he makes his commands reasonable."

"Right."

America sat there, staring at his boss. His boss stared back. "Mr. President, I don't think this request is very reasonable. The conditions aren't favorable."

"Well then, it's unfortunate that you don't live in a children's book, isn't it?" His boss smiled at him.

"I suppose so."

* * *

_Alright_ , America thought. _Solve my problems. This can't be too hard. There are plenty of people trying— why shouldn't I succeed?_

America stared at the list for a bit.

** Immigration **

America wasn't going to touch that. Anything he could say would only make things more complicated. If he suggested anything to his boss, it would go along the lines of, _Well, I get that it_ could _be construed as a problem, but..._

**Gun Violence**

_Is that a problem?_ He was inclined to think, at least for the moment, that it wasn't. He moved on.

**Healthcare**

America thought back to his meetings with his boss. He didn't want to talk with his boss again about that particular issue, so he wouldn't.

** Climate Change **

His boss wouldn't listen to him, and anyway, it seemed like a good chunk of his people didn't believe in climate change. It wasn't a majority or anything, but enough to whine about it. America didn't care about posterity, and he probably wouldn't be around by the time everything went to shit in some non-descriptive way. There was no reason to care— besides, anything he could say about climate change would be ignored, as everyone else knew what to do about it except for him.

** Electoral College **

America couldn't make states agree to the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact. He just needed to hope it all worked out in the end. The Electoral College had a few perks, many of them being outdated considering that electors had to do what was required of them. Swing states were becoming a problem, too, or at least it was a problem to someone that didn't like Florida for any reason whatsoever and didn't believe such a population should be so important in determining the outcome. Getting rid of the Electoral College would allow for the Republicans in California to be heard, which would be great for them. It would allow for the five or six Democrats in Wyoming to be heard, which would be better than nothing. One could argue that it kept the smaller states in the loop, but fuck if anyone outside of the smaller states actually cared about the smaller states. California and New York couldn't control everything; they didn't have a high enough population together. And anyway, why should California get fifty-five electoral votes while Wyoming received three, if California had nearly eighty times the population? Two freebies aside, that was still a bit of an issue, wasn't it? Why did Wyoming receive the same as Montana, if Montana had twice as many people?

But…

If the Electoral College was abolished, that meant that candidates might start to hone in on cities, even though cities tended to be more Democratic anyway. Perhaps a particular candidate would manipulate and twist words at the doors of Californians, New Yorkers, Texans, Floridians, and Illinoisans. It was possible; promises were enough to fool the American people, who seemed to be rather idealistic at times. Especially during a crisis, such as a pandemic or a depression or a war. Some candidates could even convince the Americans that a crisis had been in place when there was in fact no crisis. The Americans weren't infallible; they were people and they just wanted what was best, but it's easy to manipulate people into thinking that a certain something is the best.

This issue was a bit different because it required the smaller states to stop being assholes about the fact that they just never attracted as many people as New York and California did and now it was too late because everyone knew how fucked up everything was, but in the end it still boiled down to the same thing: like all American issues, the issue was complicated.

** Illegal Drugs **

America just laughed nervously at that one and moved on.

** Abortion **

America didn't really know what to do about this one, but he knew where he stood, and that was that there was no point at all in bringing children into the world if they were only to suffer and die as soon as they had come to get things figured out, and even less of a point if they were going to be born to parents that didn't love them, education cuts, poverty, and the feeling of general hopelessness that tended to permeate American air just as much as smog did. But that was an opinion heavily influenced by his own bitterness and regret at watching all of his citizens eventually die and also at being brought into the world at all, so he looked past himself.

The first thing to consider was that America really didn't care about anyone that wasn't an American citizen. No, seriously, he really couldn't give less shits if he wanted to. America cared about the existence of other nations and their citizens, but only out of politeness, and he only did that kindness to his closest alliances- think Canada and the UK. That didn't even really count.

The second thing to consider was that pro-life vs. pro-choice wasn't a real debate. Generally someone shouldn't be considered pro-life if they'd choose not to pay more taxes to further education for their state's youth when they could afford to do so, and would vote for a candidate based on what directly benefited them rather than considering how that candidate planned to fuck up the nation. Pro-choice was an okay term, but then if you changed the debate name to Pro- vs. Anti-choice, the name of the debate was biased in a different direction and Anti-choice was getting finnicky.

The third thing to consider was that this wasn't America's debate because he physically could not give birth, and thus he ought to just shut the hell up about it. So he did.

* * *

America went with healthcare. It wasn't like he gave a shit either way, but he brought papers to back up his argument.

"Mr. President-,"

"What did you decide to fix?"

"Try to fix," America corrected, because he was incapable of actually fixing his problems.

"What did you try to fix?"

"Healthcare."

"How do you want to fix it?"

America took a deep breath. "Universal-,"

"And how do you plan to do that?"

"Taxes, but-,"

"Ah!" His boss leapt up. "That's where the people will stop listening."

"But it's-,"

"AH!"

America flinched at the noise, taking a step back. He glared at his boss. _Are you done?_ he thought angrily. "Oh, I see," America murmured instead.

"One of the main concerns with universal healthcare, aside from the money, is that it would decrease the quality of our healthcare."

"But we're only the forty-third highest ranking in life expectancy, so it can't hurt, can it?"

"Where did you get that number from?"

"The CIA's website."

"Well, get that information to the people, then. They won't care anyway; healthcare is fine- exceptional, even- if you have the money for it."

"What about all the Americans that don't?"

"They'll be seen as freeloaders. The Americans don't like that. America, this issue isn't simple. If it was, we would have made a definitive choice by now."

"Aren't you making a choice by not saying anything?"

His President frowned slightly, and then nodded. "Well, there's also the fact that every President has a different opinion. Things like this are bound to change."

"Right."

"Anyway, if you can't think of a way to get most of the people on board, then you should pick a different topic."

America sighed. "Alright. May I leave?"

"Yep."

America strode across the room briskly. He forced himself to be as gentle with the door as possible, and he was. He slumped outside for a moment, sighing. An agent told him to move. America obeyed.

* * *

If the Americans could be compared to loud, rambunctious, spoiled, and neglected children who happened to be armed, then the President could easily be compared to a somewhat emotionally distant, but still physically present, father. America had always thought it somewhat exasperating that he was handled so gently. Politicians tended to treat him like a child, one that needed to be appeased before it threw a fit, when they weren't being children themselves. America supposed that this was because he was armed and the government knew that they could only get so much easy support after putting down a rebellion, especially if they put it down without even pretending it was difficult.

By 2022, it was clear that many of the American people were playing a game called, "Don't be the sensitive little bitchboy". Fortunately it was an easy game, because if you played it it meant that you were winning. The game itself wasn't actually important, but it meant that the government could treat America like a hopeless, inactive adult rather than a jealous and idealistic child.

America did not like being treated like an adult one bit. He had genuinely thought that he would enjoy it. He had grown sick and tired of being handed stupid job after shitty job. America's entire job throughout the Cold War had just been to flex nice items, promoting capitalism as a way of life by doing so. These days, he could've sworn his boss just tested him, knowing that America would do and say nothing- that even if he said something, he wouldn't do anything.

" _Pick a different topic_ ," America mimicked. "Goddamn asshole." America could've picked apart universal healthcare himself. Why even bother with any of this? The whole thing about important issues like this was that they were complicated. The majority of Americans would never be on board with anything, no matter what. It certainly seemed that way, at least. If these issues weren't fucking complicated, they wouldn't be issues. They would have been solved by now.

The impossibility of the task only served to piss America off all over again. How was his boss really going to assign him something like this and then give him shit about how the Americans wouldn't agree? Who gave a shit anymore? They never agreed on anything, no matter what. How was America supposed to solve any of the issues mentioned when he had to make sure all of his citizens were happy with the solution before it was even enacted?

America's boss had to be mocking him at this point. That had to be it. His boss was laughing at his discomfort, reveling in his misery. Perhaps the rest of the Administration was in on it, too. So then the question was: Why? Why would they do something like that? And the answer was simple: America was perceived as young and inexperienced, hardly a representative of his country, and that was grounds enough for any old person to dislike him these days.

It was pretty common among the nations to humiliate the fuck out of each other, but this was different. Nations just engaged in petty banter; they were alive too long to really take anything seriously. This was much more personal. The idea that the Administration was laughing at America hurt a fair bit.

It was either that or his boss was just fucking stupid, and that thought comforted America a little, but not enough.

America was ashamed either way; he'd put this man into office, after all. It was either he was perceived as lesser-than by everybody in the White House or he'd voted in a fucking stupid piece of shit. Or both.

America would sleep this off, he decided, and he'd feel better in the morning. This assignment could wait, and for all that it mattered his boss could go fuck himself. What was his boss going to do, fire him over it?

* * *

America very much regretted voting this manchild into office. He was an hour away from Washington D.C., and he'd spent the entire week avoiding his assignment as much as possible, and now he had to get belittled by his boss all over again. He only had a bit longer of this shit- just two years. Really, it wasn't anything in the end, he reminded himself.

The radio couldn't cheer him up and only annoyed America more, so he turned it off. He drove the next hour without thinking at all, and when he got there he glanced at the piece of paper, reading through the options several times. For all the issues America had, most of them weren't listed here. "Fuck it. I'll pick gun violence," he said to himself. He got out of the car, sighed, and waited to be escorted inside.

...

"So, what did you pick?" His boss asked.

"Gun violence."

His boss beamed at him. "Alright. What are your ideas?"

"I'm not sure yet," America admitted, hoping that this would piss his boss off enough to get even. "I think I'm going to ask some of my citizens."

His boss just smiled. "Alright, you do that. Once you've got some ideas, come talk to me."

America waited for him to say something else. His boss just stared at America, very much pleased. "Is that it?"

"Yep."

"If you just wanted me to pick gun violence the whole time, you could've told me," America cried, more than a bit flustered. Usually he was great at handling emotions, but this time he couldn't hide his discontent. He resisted the urge to grab the desk and ground himself, instead digging his fingernails into his palms.

"What? That's ridiculous." His boss just smiled again. "Do whatever you need to do and then come back with a request," he added.

"Okay."

* * *

America regretted picking gun violence. It wasn't that he didn't care about it. He really did, but only as much as he cared about immigration and climate change and abortion and illegal drugs and healthcare and the electoral college. Arguably, they were issues with widely varying levels of consequence, but America couldn't be bothered to care about any one more than the others.

He was stuck with it now, so he would have to deal with it. Like all issues, gun control was a highly complicated issue- for the moment America saw it as an issue- that couldn't be solved easily. America didn't have to solve anything, as it wasn't his job to do so. It was just his job to try.

America sat down at his desk and started planning the next day. Tomorrow, he would interview his people to see what they thought. He really had no idea where to start, and he wasn't looking forward to it. Still, it couldn't go too badly. America was sure he would hear something that he could use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to pitch in your own thoughts on politics and what I could have written better but please don’t be mean x


End file.
